I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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