Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
