i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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