Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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