she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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