Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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