its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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