i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
