Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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