There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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