you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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