i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
