the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize