His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
