I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
