yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
