If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
