my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
this is an emotional support booty call
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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