I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
