did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
