This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
