Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
