return my video game
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
someone owes me an orgasm
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
