Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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