he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
