After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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