oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
