i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
