i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
