sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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