yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
i now understand why vodka
I smell like Dick and happiness
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
