His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
