Redeem this text for a blowjob
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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