I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
