jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
