The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
