Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
