Four minutes until I can fart!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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