i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize