did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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