i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
