I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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