she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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