my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
