I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
