just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
