Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
