why didn't you poke me back
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
NoShamevember. You game?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize