Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize