we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
