i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
