Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
