just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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