my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
