On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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