I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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