glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
