I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
