His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
