She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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