today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
