My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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