I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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