all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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