A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Come on in and take your pants off
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