TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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