That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
