Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
