I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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