dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
