Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
