you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
