i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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