she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
