Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
