You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
